


Forgiven

by SherlockianGirl14



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Forgiveness, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-27
Updated: 2015-08-27
Packaged: 2018-04-17 13:53:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4669061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SherlockianGirl14/pseuds/SherlockianGirl14
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam doesn't talk to Dean about it and tries his best to hide it, but he's really beating himself up over getting Charlie killed, after everything he's done. So one night he starts praying- not to God, but to Gabriel, because he's near certain Gabriel is dead. Sam can be honest, nobody will know how he feels. So he talks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forgiven

“Hey, Gabriel. I know you can't hear me, but I'm gonna keep talking to you. You’re someone else I screwed over, someone else I got killed. If you were alive, you'd be sick of the sound of my voice by now, I know. I know I would I be wasting your time. But I guess you're not here to be caught up in this now, so I'll save Dean and Cas the struggle.   
“I know I've told you about everything since you died. Except Charlie. God, you'd have loved her, Gabriel. I think she'd have loved you too, seen past the tricks. She'd think you were great. I wish you two could have met. I got her killed, Gabriel. Goddammit, Gabriel, I got her killed. She was like a sister to us. Hell, she was he one who helped Dean and Cas get their ass in gear, even if it was only a little. You'd be so proud of her. She was brave, Gabriel, she was clever, she was funny. I got her killed.  
“She had a normal job and a normal life before we met her. I… I can't deal with it, you see. I just can't deal any more. With what happened to Charlie. I mean we've triggered so freaking much crap. We've caused the damned apocalypse. But with her- it was one too many things to handle the guilt from. It's horrible, Gabriel. And the worst thing is that I deserve it.  
“I- I'm rambling again, aren't I? Wasting your time. You're dead, I know. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't even know why I'm still talking to you- I’m letting myself think you're alive, giving myself a break I don't deserve. Trying to takeaway getting you killed, pretend you're listening. I don't deserve someone listening and I deserve this struggle. I'm sorry. I'm- Gabriel, I'm gonna shut up now…”  
Gabriel sighed as Sam went silent. He knew that Sam would be going to sleep, so he cast into his mind a dream of happier times. Sam was sinking into depression because of all the guilt he carried.  
With every prayer, Gabriel was coming closer and closer to revealing himself. These days, he was sending himself to Sam’s watching him sleep, stroking his hair. He should be staying away. He would just complicate Sam’s life now.  
But Sam's life was already complicated and it was starting to seem more and more like he needed Gabriel by his side. 

“I'm praying to Gabriel again. Sort of- uh, sorry. Sorry. I need you to know something, Gabriel. I need you to know I was… Okay, I was kind of into you. So when you died… It was like I lost someone else. Jess, Sarah, Madison, all of them died. You died. The whole time I was with Emelia, I was expecting to find her dead. I didn't leave her, even when I thought it would happen. How damned selfish is it possible for a guy to be? I'm worthless, you see. Selfish, mean and worthless.”  
“No, Gabriel whispered, appearing in front of Sam. Sam jumped back for a second before collapsing into Gabriel, contorting his body awkwardly in order to burrow his face into Gabriel’s neck.   
Gabriel had expected tests, spells, something. It was a clear sign of just how hurt Sam was.  
“It's okay, Sam. It wasn't your fault. You didn't want it to happen. Anything that you inadvertently caused, you are forgiven. I forgive you, Sam, okay? You hear? Now c’mon, Sam-a-lamb. Let's go sit down so you can hug me without looking like the hunchback of Notre Dame. Okay?”  
“Okay.”  
“It wasn't your fault, any of it. I'm gonna keep on telling you that until you realise it, Sam.”  
“Okay,” Sam sighed shakily, and Gabriel was certain there was a softer, happier tone in Sam’s voice.


End file.
